Oppositional Behaviour
What is Oppositional Behaviour
Oppositional behaviour is typically shown by aggressive refusal to comply with an adult's requests. It often occurs as a co-morbid condition with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
Understanding the Oppositional Child
The oppositional child is usually not a happy child. Hence, we need to consider who/what is distressing the oppositional child?
If we can identify what triggers off the oppositional behaviour, or when and where it is most likely to occur, we may be able to avoid the angry outbursts.
If we can remove or reduce the frustrations and failures that often underlie the oppositional behaviour it will be less likely to occur.
Don't Focus on the Oppositional Child - work on the Oppositional Relationship
Oppositional behaviour only occurs in an oppositional interaction. Regardless of who triggers off the oppositional episode, both parties become enmeshed in the oppositional interaction. If one party leaves the interaction, it ceases to exist. It really is not a case of who started the dispute, it is a case of the best way to manage the problem
Examine your role in the oppositional interaction. Are there actions that you are taking or things that you are saying that are making matters worse? Is there a more effective way of handling problems?
You are responsible for your role in the interaction
Parents and/or teachers feel that their discipline is being threatened by an oppositional child. Consequently they try even harder to control the child. Unfortunately this locks everyone into an escalating sequence of unpleasant interactions.
You can't make the child do anything - you can only encourage the behaviour you would like to see.
A win-lose situation is usually a lose-lose situation
Giving him/her a way out of the impasse with dignity means that the child can afford to cease the conflict without a feeling of being defeated.
Control Yourself - not the Child
Control is a natural human need - We need some control of our lives. We do not need complete control of our lives.
Being overcontrolled provokes oppositional behaviour
Allow the child to control as many aspects of his/her life as is reasonable.
Is it your goal to control the child or are you aiming for a harmonious relationship with a cooperative child.
By choosing to avoid oppositional interactions you cannot be beaten
Avoiding the fight means that you cannot be beaten.
This is not running away. It is a strategic withdrawal, which avoids the confrontation, while allowing you to consider the best strategy for you. It also allows the child to calm down.
If an angry child begins to actively resist commands or to engage the adult in a discussion about the command, the adult should immediately disengage.
Restate the original command and tell the child that you will respond .when you can see that the child is ready to cooperate. Let your body language show that you expect to be obeyed. Tell the child what you are going to do in the meantime.
Time-Out
The term "time-out" has become synonymous with punishment. Hence, sending an oppositional child to time out provokes opposition. What will you do if the child refuses to go to time-out? Take yourself to time-out. This gets you out of the oppositional context; it allows you to calm down; and it allows you to think about the best thing for you to do. It also allows the child to do each of these things.
When the child refuses to co-operate, it would be better to walk away after saying something like, "I expect this work to be finished by - - - -. You can decide when you are ready to start. I have to go to the other side of the room to help xxx right now. Come and see me if you need help"
Don't evoke unnecessary oppositonal behaviour
Speaking slowly and quietly confuses the oppositional child who thrives on rapid-fire and loud exchanges.
It is important to remember that "Anger provokes anger". If you demonstrate your anger, you will provoke the child's anger.
Ignore minor breaches of behaviour so that you can concentrate on major breaches.
This reduces the frequency of your controlling behaviours and helps to reduce the child's oppositional behaviours.
It is not only what you say that is important, it is how you say it. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and general body language convey important messages to the child. Speaking quietly and calmly in a detached manner emphasises to the child how much you are in control of your part of the interaction. Becoming angry and frustrated merely emphasises how much the child is in control.
Think before you act. This is difficult for people with ADHD
It may be better to postpone a confrontation until the time is more appropriate. It is a good idea to tell the child that you want to speak about the matter concerning you but that the present time is not appropriate. Choose your time, place, and method..
Parent/teacher defiance often involves a sequential chain of events starting with relatively trivial behaviours and ending with very serious behaviours. This chain should be broken early to avoid escalation.
Rather than reacting to oppositional behaviour plan to improve the relationship.
In dealing with the oppositional child, be very alert to anything appropriate that he/she does. Try to improve the child's feelings of self-worth (self-esteem)
Allow the child to control as many aspects of his life as it is reasonable for him to do.
Look for ways to give children genuine acknowledgement without any conditions attached.
It is also helpful to review incidents of oppositional behaviour as soon as possible after the event, in order to develop more appropriate strategies for use on future occasions.
Share the load with colleagues (partners). Your difficulties with the child are not indications of your incompetence. Colleagues may have insights which will lead to solutions. Having another teacher/parent present may make it possible to disengage without leaving the class unattended.
MOST PEOPLE, MOST OF THE TIME MANAGE BEHAVIOUR ON AUTO-PILOT
Copyright Dr Stephen Dossel, and the ADD Association Queensland. This article may be reprinted but should not be modified in any way. Any such use should be acknowledged in the normal manner and must include the author's name and the source of the article.
